The Madness Continues
by Cheez Socks
Summary: To her utter dismay and annoyance, Emily's back. And her mother's tagged along for the ride. Expect drugged cookies, OOCness, annoying songs and much more! A MarySue parody. PART 2 IN A SERIES
1. Prologue

**The Madness Continues**

-

_Hello, all, and welcome to the (hopefully) just as bad sequel to One Mixed Up Mary-Sue. In this lovely instalment, Emily will _not_ be following the Fellowship along, and is stuck in Middle-earth with her mother. Oh yes, much madness, insanity and more annoying out-of-character-ness are in store._

_Heh, almost forgot the disclaimer. I do not own The Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you think I do, please seek professional help._

-

Emily pulled a sweater over her head. She frowned—her side still hurt. But at least they were letting her leave the hospital now.

She was going to go back to her parents' house until the next semester of school started. Then she would attempt to pick up and continue school.

After her misadventures in Middle-earth, one would think that Emily would have had enough walking around. But she found that after three days in a hospital bed (at least three conscious days), she couldn't stand it any longer—she had to get out. Today was her lucky day, as she could do just that. Her side was stitched up neatly and starting to heal and the pain was reduced to no more than a dull ache unless she moved or stretched to aggravate it.

She brought a hand to her side, over the sore. Over the stitches it was wrapped up tightly in white bandages. Hopefully it would heal quickly and she'd be rid of the uncomfortable dressing. But for now, she was just happy to be in some normal clothes instead of the hospital gown she'd had to wear earlier.

"Emily!" called a voice, one that she was more than happy to hear.

"Dad!" she said, laughing. She hugged the man who had just entered the room. He had been away with work the past few days and therefore unable to visit. He'd only gotten in this morning, but he had managed to come to pick her up nonetheless.

"I'm so happy to see you," he said. His expression then turned serious. "Your mother told me that you couldn't remember a thing" He looked concerned- and he had every right to.

"It's true, I can't remember anything," she said. She felt horrible for lying, but she couldn't really tell him the truth.

"Well, are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah," she said, smiling weakly. "It's not like I have things to pack."

-

It was good to be home, and Emily had never felt more strongly on that notion. Of course, no one would ever know what happened to her except that she'd gone missing for nearly ten months. Anyways, it wasn't like she particularly _wanted_ to remember anything that had happened. Well, she would always be able to smile about the friends she'd made in Imladris, but that was about it. She was sharply reminded of one of the not-so-nice aspects of her 'trip'. Clutching her side, she slowly sat down on her parents' couch.

"Emily, are you alright?" Her father asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine…" she muttered. Hey, after having the arrow come and bury itself in her side, this wasn't much.

"Emily," he said, sitting down. "Are you sure you can't remember anything? What they looked like?"

"No…" The faces of the actual friends that she'd made popped up in her mind. Yeah, they were all a bunch of cold-hearted kidnappers, that lot. She suddenly remembered when she'd thrown coffee at Erestor. She had to stifle a laugh, which her father took more or less as a sob.

"Emily, please. Both me and your mother are worried about you."

"Why are you still worried? I'm back home now, safe and sound." She would have gone on further, but was interrupted by the doorbell.

"Is that mom?"

"I think so; she said she would pick up dinner on the way home." Her father went to open the door. In stepped, Jean, her mother, carrying a large pizza box and another package wrapped in brown.

"Mom," Emily said. "You know we could have just ordered." She stood slowly, and tried to take the box from her mother.

"Emily!" Jean scolded. "Go sit, you should be relaxing."

"Yes, mother," she muttered.

"Emily, are you alright?" Her mother asked, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"Yeah… I just have a lot on my mind." She said, managing to smile weakly. "I'm just tying to put a few things together. But not right now, right now we have pizza." She laughed and grabbed a slice.

"Oh, that came for you; the mailman brought it at the same time I was going out the door to work this morning." She pointed to the brown wrapped-up package. So that's why it was wrapped funny, it was mailed.

"Thanks, I'll open it later, my hands are greasy."

-

After polishing off three pieces of pizza, Emily went into the kitchen to wash her hands. It had been a _long_ time since she'd had anything so horrible for you yet so, so good. It had been a long time since she'd had anything but bacon, tomatoes or lembas bread. As she reached for a towel to dry her hands, when soft talking reached her ears.

"I think she knows more than she's telling us." Her father said.

"Well, the doctor said that she could be subconsciously forcing herself into forgetting if something traumatizing enough happened."

"But she says she remembers _nothing_. There has to be something she remembers."

Emily clenched her fists, wishing that she could tell them. She knew there were worried, they were her _parents_. But there was nothing truthful that she could tell them that they would believe. Sighing, she walked back into the dining room, a forced smile on her face.

"Thanks for getting dinner, it was really good." She said quietly, taking a seat once more.

"Well," her father said, standing. "I'm going to take out the garbage, tomorrow morning is pickup."

"Okay," both females replied. Finding the silence that followed, Emily reached for the brown package. On the front was written her address, no return, and the phrase 'Get Well Soon'. Emily took off the wrapping and could not believe what she found. Was this some kind of sick joke?

"What is it?" her mother asked.

"A book," Emily replied weakly. She dropped it on the table, stood, and stormed upstairs to her room, ignoring the pain in her side. She shut the door, and sunk down, leaning against it. She glanced around her room; it was still the same. She'd gone to university, been missing for three months, and it was still the same. But then, she noticed something that she decided she didn't want there anymore. Marching over, she pulled down her Lord of the Rings poster, crumpled it up, and put it into the trash.

"Emily," her mother's called softly. She knocked softly at the door. "What's wrong? Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Emily replied, looking up. She sat down on her bed, and watched her mother come in.

"What's wrong?" Jean repeated her question, sitting down beside her daughter. Emily considered for a second telling her everything, but she wouldn't believe it. Her eyes fell on the book that her mother was holding.

It was a very old-looking copy of the Lord of the Rings, one of the ones with all three books in one monster book. Emily took it from her mother and flipped it over, to read the back cover. No, it wasn't old, just beat up. It was the movie edition, so it couldn't be more than three or four years old.

"I don't want it." She stated flatly.

"Why not, you love these books, and someone's taken the time to send it to you."

"Yeah, someone has. There wasn't a return address, so I can't send it back."

"Emily! Why would you send it back? Somebody cares enough to worry about you and send you a 'get well soon' gift, and you want to send it back?"

"I don't know…" she mumbled, turning the book over. She opened the front cover, maybe someone had written on the inside cover, as so many relatives seemed to have a fixation on doing.

No sooner had she opened the book, than the room flashed white.

Emily cursed.

-

_There you go. It has started! Please note that exams are currently going on, and second semester will be starting soon, so there may not be any updates until the weekend of February fourth and fifth. I promise the funny will come back next chapter!_


	2. Chapter 1

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter One

-

Emily felt like she was falling. But the sensation only lasted a second before she hit the ground and fell backwards on her butt. Muttering curses under her breath, she stood slowly. She was shocked that her side wasn't giving her any trouble. She placed a hand over where the wound was, and felt nothing in her side, no pain or aches. She lifted up the side of her sweater and was surprised to see nothing indicating that she had ever been hurt.

"Well, I guess this place is good for something," she said, not even needing to look around to realize that she was in Middle-earth. It did, however, take some further inspection for her to realize that she was back in the woods of Lórien. But not much, the trees were, after all, more or less of a 'hey! Look at me!' thing. It was while looking at these trees that she noticed something that she didn't expect.

"Mom?"

"Emily? What happened?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Excuse me?"

_Emily! Welcome back!_

'It's you…'

_Yes, aren't you happy to see me?_

'No…'

_Well, I'm sorry about putting you here. You were supposed to be with Legolas and Aragorn… and the other thing._

'You would mean Gimli.'

_Whatever!_

"Emily," Jean said, grabbing her arm. "Do you have any more or better of an idea that I do as to what's going on?"

"Yes," she said, sighing. She opened her mouth to say more, but quickly shut it.

"What?"

"Quiet," Emily said. She glanced around. Crazy Mary-Sue ears; she'd sworn that she'd heard something. After a moment more of glancing around nervously, she relaxed, brushing it off and turned back to her mother, only to come face-to-face with an arrow.

"Finally," Emily said. "Are you guys getting out of practice?" She did her best to put a look of confidence on her face. She figured that it would be amusing to so how long she could antagonize Haldir for before he had someone shoot her between the eyes.

As if he knew what she was thinking, the elf in question suddenly stepped into view, looking more smug and arrogant then ever. Emily did her best to return his look of 'I'm-better-than-you-and-I-know-it'.

"How are ya doing?" Emily asked.

"Much better than you will if you do not be quiet." Haldir replied before turning to an elf and telling him something that Emily couldn't understand. It was too quiet for her to notice, even if it was one of the actual forms of elvish, or just a bunch of mangled letters.

_OMG! It's real! Stop doubting my knowledge!_

Emily flinched at the loud noise of Mary-Sue's screaming voice, and Haldir shot her a look.

"What's going on?" Jean asked. Emily glanced over towards her, but couldn't even see her.

"You make a better wall than a window." She said to the elf who was standing in front of her.

"Excuse me?"

"It means move your ass," she said, moving to see around him. She had just moved to stand on her toes, when someone behind her grabbed her, forcing her to stay still.

"Hey! Let me the hell go!" She flailed around for a moment, and then calmed down. "Dude, I could most definitely get your ass fired."

_Emily, you're supposed to have to fight them, and in doing that, prove your superior fighting skills._

'What fighting skills?'

_The amazing ones that you get, of course! They're part of the entire Mary-Sue deal._

'Uh… if you'll remember, last time I tried to fight anyone, I nearly got killed. I would _not_ like to repeat that.'

_You'll do fine!_

There was another noise like someone snapping their fingers, and Emily had to quickly duck and cover her head… which wasn't all that easy, having someone holding her still, and all. So, they were both rained on by a large assortment of weapons.

_Here! Have fun!_

Emily jumped as Mary-Sue's damned magical sword hovered off the ground and placed itself in her hand. She dropped it, stumbling backwards, almost knocking herself and the elf behind her onto the ground.

'Well done…'

_Just shut up and pick up your weapons, Emily._

Emily rolled her eyes at Mary-Sue. She jumped forward as soon as she noticed that she was being released.

"Finally," she muttered. Haldir glared at her in an 'I-would-kill-you-if-you-were-anyone-else' way. Once more, she did her best to return the look, but she doubted it had the same effect.

"Emily!" Jean said, grabbing her daughter's hand and pulling her over towards her. "What the hell is going on?"

"I… well…"

"You can talk later," Haldir said. "Start walking or you'll be left behind."

"Yes your freaking asshole majesty." Emily said, picking up Mary-Sue's weapons from the ground. Jean waited for her (and seemed to be the only one doing so).

"I don't like him," Jean said, frowning.

"Join the club," Emily replied, standing. "Come on, let's catch up."

"Right," Jean said. "And while we do so, you can tell me what the heck is going on."

"It's a long story." Emily said, trying to smile. "And one that I don't like very much."

"That's too bad. I'm stuck in some crazy place with people pointing arrows in my face. I get to know what's going on."

"Well. As you know, a few months ago--"

"Three."

"Okay, three months ago I disappeared from my dorm room at school. I told everyone I couldn't remember what the heck happened. That was because I was here. See, I'm apparently supposed to marry some idiot and live happily ever after and so on and so forth."

"Before you go any further, tell me where exactly _here_ is."

"_Here_, is Middle-earth." Emily looked at her mother, whose expression remained un-readable for a moment, until becoming slightly angry.

"Emily," she said. "I want the truth. Where the heck are we?"

"I _told_ you the truth. And this is exactly why I couldn't tell anyone where I was."

"Emily, I can't believe that we are in a fictional place. Just tell me where we are and what's going on."

"I already did!" She sighed and looked up. "Look, I'll be able to explain more after we get to where we're going."

-

Emily stopped walking, a grin on her face.

"I already told you," Haldir said. "We are not stopping or waiting for you."

"I'm tired." Emily said.

"You don't _look_ tired, so keep walking."

"Well I _feel_ tired, so I'm going to stop."

"No, you will not."

"Yes, I will."

Haldir twitched, glaring at her. If looks could kill, she'd have been dead by that point, and the celebration would have already started.

"I'm stopping," Emily said. She was actually getting much further than she thought she would have without receiving any verbal death threats (she counted the glare as more or less of an unspoken one, though).

"You are being ridiculous." Haldir said.

"Yes, but I'll be being ridiculous right here. I'm not walking any further."

-

And so it was that a very strange sight came marching into Caras Galadhon later that day. The marchwarden had returned along with a group of the border patrol. Some laughed, some looked on in confusion and some just didn't try to comprehend it. On his back (the girl later called it a piggy-back), was an elf who looked in her forties. She had a smug grin on her face, as if she'd won some victory. Beside them walked a human woman, who looked to be about the same age as the girl. Of course, she looked much older, but that was to be expected. But the funniest part, perhaps, was the marchwarden himself, who was muttering under his breath about 'that damned girl.'

The marchwarden later came to a halt, as did the rest of the group. He dropped the girl off of his back, and she fell to the ground, landing on her bum.

"Ouch," Emily said, getting to her feet. She shot a glare at Haldir, who was now smiling smugly.

"You suck, you know that?' She asked, making her way over to Jean.

"Emily, I can't believe you did that." Jean said, shaking her head. "Do you even know him?"

"No, I don't, not really. But I _do_ know that he works for my grandparents." Maybe it was the expression of desperation on Emily's face, or maybe it was just a mother knowing her daughter well that told Jean to play along. The woman nodded, and Emily smiled.

"Speaking of them," Haldir said, grabbing her shoulder. "I am sure that they wish to speak with you as to _why_ exactly you are here, and not making your way south to Mordor with the rest of the company."

"I'm sure they do," Emily said sweetly. "But do me a favour and get your hand off of me and never come within three feet of me—ever again."

"Start walking," Haldir said, keeping the hand on her shoulder, pushing her forwards. "You, too," he snapped, not even looking backwards to see if Jean was following. Then again, he probably didn't have to, what with the insane hearing.

"PMS much, Haldir?" Emily asked, grinning. She heard Jean stifle a laugh behind them.

"Be quiet," Haldir said.

"Why?"

"I do not feel like listening to your silly banter, that is why."

"Someone's in a bad mood…" Emily said in a singsong voice.

"Would you _enjoy_ being hurt badly?" Haldir asked.

"There it is," Emily said.

"There _what_ is?" Haldir asked.

"I was wondering how long I could go before you threatened me." Emily replied simply, as if trying to get threats was something that people did often.

They walked in silence for a while. Haldir had finally stopped pushing her, and Emily had fallen back to talk quietly with her mother about how she ended up here. Jean still didn't believe that it was Middle-earth, so Emily just worked around it, referring to it only as 'here'. Emily didn't tell her too much, except that the people that had taken her here were actually good people, and that she'd been travelling a lot with a larger group.

They came to a stop soon after the conversation had ended. Emily was brought to a halt when she walked right into Haldir's back. The glared at each other, but Emily looked away when Jean helped her up.

Emily was actually amused for a second when she turned to look at Haldir. He was standing there, a confused expression on his face. His mouth was even (just slightly) hanging open. Emily couldn't resist the urge to reach over and push it up. Haldir glared at her, which she just returned with a smile.

The smile was quickly wiped off her face when she noticed what had Haldir so confused.

"Cookie, dear?" Galadriel asked, offering them a plate full of chocolate-chip cookies.

"No, thanks," Emily said, waving a hand.

"Nonsense," Galadriel said, pushing the plate towards her. "I insist." She pushed the plate even further towards her, and wasn't satisfied until Emily had taken and eaten a cookie.

"Are you one of Emily's friends?" she asked Jean. "Would you like a cookie, too?"

"Thank you," Jean said, taking the cookie. Galadriel smiled.

"Any time, dear. Haldir, cookie?"

"No, thank you."

"Have a cookie."

"I would rather not."

"Take a cookie, Haldir." Galadriel said, sternly, shooting him a look.

"Fine," he said, taking a cookie and quickly eating it.

"Now," Galadriel said, turning to Emily. "I know you need your beauty sleep, dear. So, somewhere for the both of you has been prepared. I will see you in the morning. Haldir, show them to somewhere that they can stay. There is a small guest area made up, though I can't remember where it is. This darned old age!"

"That's it," Emily said. "Let's go, I'm tired."

Haldir looked at her, an eyebrow arched. It was the first time today he hadn't been wearing either a death glare or some sort of smug expression.

"I am sure that out guests wish to sleep, my lady," he said to Galadriel. "I will show them to somewhere that they can stay. I, myself, am also tired, so I shall take my leave and go to sleep once I have shown them where they may stay." He bowed and turned and left, Emily and Jean following.

"Did you catch that?" Emily asked, catching up to Haldir. "I think we just agreed on something. Now, I don't know about you, but I take it as a sign of the apocalypse. Now let's agree that it will never happen again, okay?"

"Be quiet and hurry up," Haldir said, speeding up the pace that he was walking at. "The sooner that we get there; the sooner I am rid of you."

"It's no use trying to get along with you," Emily said, falling back to walk with her mother. "That stick's just too far."

-

_There you are, chapter one!_

_Now, I have a question for anyone who feels like answering. MSN is asking me for my profile-thingy-magig, what my "Humor" is. So, would you all say that my "Humor" is: Campy/Cheesy, Dry/Sarcastic, Clever/Quick-witted, Friendly, Goofy, Obscure or Raunchy? I'm actually curious myself as to how my sense of humour comes across._

_One more thing. When I sad that they both looked in their forties, here is what I meant. Please remember that although I did domy research to make sure I had this right,sources can always contain lies. Please point out to be if I have found bad information and have this wrong. Elves age differently than humans. It takes them about fifty years for one of them to reach the point when we are about twenty or so. So, therefore, for their first fifty years, they age in about two and a half years, what a human does in one. So, if Emily is eighteen, and we shall assume that she looks her age, an elf would assume that she is close to fifty, not twenty. We are assuming that Mary-Sue has putmost of the Lothlorien elvesin a daze, and made them all think that Emily is an elf. (Note: Please excuse the lack of an accent on the word Lothlorien, it should be on the second o, butI can't find the keyboard shortcut for it)._

_Anyways, as always, I appreciate your feedback, and enjoy hearing what you think of this story._


	3. Chapter 2

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Two

-

Emily looked up at the tree. Jean followed her gaze.

"Well," Emily said. "_This_ is going to be fun."

"Care to explain?" Jean asked, shooting her daughter a look.

"We're staying in the tree."

"Oh," Jean said, frowning. "I've never had to stay in a tree before."

"Yeah, it should be _interesting_ to say the least."

The two stood there in silence for a moment. Both kept looking up at the oddly-coloured tree. Emily thought she could see a floor somewhere up there, but it didn't appear to be easy to access. She walked all the way around the tree. Yep, there was definitely no easy way to get up there.

"Well," Emily said, sitting down on the ground. "This is a problem."

"What?" Jean asked. She sat down on the ground beside her daughter.

"One, you don't believe a word I'm saying about where we are. Two, we're stuck on the ground."

"Okay, one, I may be starting to believe you. As weird as your story is, looking around here is weirder. Two, maybe we can catch up with that guy and ask him to help us."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Emily asked, laughing. "One, he would _not_ help us. He wouldn't help _anyone_ unless he was being threatened by some higher power. Two, there is no way that I would ask him for help. It would be too much like him winning."

"Winning what?"

"I don't know—I just know that I hate him, okay?" She stood and stretched. Then she took the bow and quiver off of her back. She unbuckled the belt that held the sword, and let it drop to the ground.

"Emily?"

"Watch this stuff; I'm going up." Emily looked up at the tree and grabbed a hold of the trunk. She managed to get herself level with a low branch after quite a few minutes of climbing. She reached out and grabbed it with one hand, then swung the other over.

"Emily! Be careful!" Jean said, moving to avoid a small piece of oddly-coloured tree bark that fell as Emily moved her hands on the branch.

"I am," Emily said, swinging a leg up onto the branch. She went to swing up her other leg, but slipped.

"Holy crap!" she shouted as she fell the short distance to the ground. Luckily, she was only ten or so feet off of the ground, and she managed to land unhurt.

"Emily," Jean said, helping her off the ground. "Be careful."

"I will," Emily said, walking back up to the tree. This time, once she reached it, she managed to swing herself onto the branch. Shaking slightly, she stood uneasily, holding on to a branch above her head to steady herself. She pulled herself up onto that branch, and repeated that process quite a few times, until she finally reached the flet that had been built on the tree. She pulled herself up, falling down on the floor.

"Damned insane Lothlórien elves and their living in trees," she said to herself as she stood. After looking around for a minute or so, she found a rope ladder, tied one end to a large tree branch, and threw the other end down to her mother.

A couple of minutes later, Jean appeared. She dropped the weapons down on the floor, and Emily pulled her up the rest of the way into the flet.

"Fun, huh?" Emily asked sarcastically.

"Wonderfully," Jean replied.

"Am I the only one who's hungry?" Emily asked.

"Nope," was the simple reply that she got.

"And tired," she added.

"That too."

"I'm sleeping," Emily declared. "There'll be time to eat in the morning, I guess." She wandered throughout the area that they were to stay in, and was quite surprised. It was nicer than she'd thought it would be, no doubt due to Mary-Sue magic. From the outside, this seemed like a small, one (two, if you decided to stretch it) room area. From inside it was practically a mansion.

_Jeez! It's not Mary-Sue magic, its elf magic!_

'Oh, right, I'd forgotten about your insane delusions about elf magic.'

_Just go to bed! I'm sick of dealing with you._

'Really, it's funny you should say that. I was thinking the exact same thing!'

Emily frowned and pushed open a door to a bedroom. She sat down on the bed and frowned. This was wrong. She had to at least _attempt_ to fix it, what with it all being screwed up because of her.

_It's not your fault that everyone loves you…_

'You're right.'

_You're agreeing with me?_

'Yes, I am. It's definitely not my fault. It's yours.'

Emily grinned when her comment was met by Mary-Sue's stunned silence.

'But, since I'm the one who's actually _here_, I get to do the fixing. _Plus_, there's no way in hell I would trust you to fix anything here.'

_Go to bed._

'Fine, I'll see you in the morning.'

-

Emily frowned and rolled over, so that she was lying on her stomach. She grabbed a pillow and covered her head. Damned birds, it seemed everywhere she went they were there; singing at ungodly hours of the morning.

"Wake up, sleepy head!"

Emily shot up in bed and just stared. Her mother was standing in the door way, smiling. Emily frowned as more wrong things sunk in. The woman was _too_ happy. Emily had gotten her not-a-morning-person tendencies from someone, and it sure as hell wasn't her dad, who woke up at six every morning for work. Second, was the grin. Jean was entirely too happy. She looked like she could be one of those stereotypical perfect mothers from the fifties. Third, was the outfit. She was wearing an apron, _an_ _apron_, over a nice dress, and her hair was done just too perfectly.

"Mom," Emily said, slowly standing and getting out of bed. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes," Jean replied, and even though it seemed impossible, the grin on her face widened. "I'm perfectly perfect, dear. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know,' Emily said, shrugging. "You seem… _different_."

"Don't be silly!" Jean laughed an annoying, fake laugh. "Now, come with me, I made pancakes for breakfast for you and all of your friends."

"What friends?" Emily asked slowly, trying to think of anyone in Lórien that she actually _knew_, not even well enough to be a friend. About three came to mind, none of which she'd like to spend any more time than necessary with.

"Come with me, you'll see!" Jean smiled, turned and walked out of the door. Emily stood there for a moment, before deciding to follow her mother. She followed the older woman warily, wondering what the hell exactly had happened.

"Holy shit," she said as they entered another room. A huge table was set, and Emily guessed around thirty elves were sitting around. She also noted the glazed, distant look each of them had in their eyes.

'What did you do…?'

_Well, I figured that you needed more attention. You're a very special person. So, I got everyone to come over for breakfast._

'What about my mother? What the hell is wrong with her?'

Emily clenched a fist, still standing in the doorway. She gazed around at the assembled group.

_Well, she did it to herself._

'Explain.'

Mary-Sue went on to say something so quickly that Emily couldn't make out a single word of it. After much prodding and demanding, she finally repeated.

_It was the cookies. She took it and ate it on her own. No one _made_ her eat it…_

'You bitch! Do you have some fixation on making my life as annoying as possible?'

_No! I'm trying to make it perfect!_

'Well stop!'

"Emily," Jean said, grabbing her arm and startling her out of the discussion with Mary-Sue. "Why don't you sit down and eat some yummy, yummy pancakes." She guided her daughter over towards an empty chair.

"Well, I can tell this day's going to get off to a wonderful start," she said upon noticing who she would have to sit beside. Jean sat her down in the chair, and with a promise of pancakes, left.

"Look," Emily said, turning to her left, to face Haldir. "I don't like you, and you don't like me."

"I like you."

"Excuse me?"

"I like you."

"Oh right," Emily said, rolling her eyes. He had eaten one of the cookies from Galadriel, too.

-

Emily had her head down on the table, arms surrounding it. She'd long finished the pancakes, and had had to sit through annoying babbling for the past half an hour. If possible, she disliked Haldir even more now than before. Before she at least, though she would deny it if ever asked, held some respect for him. Now, he was an annoying, talkative, brainwashed idiot who didn't know what the phrase "shut the hell up and leave me alone" meant.

"Don't you agree?" Haldir asked, looking at her expectantly. She lifted her head off of the table to look at him. Experience had taught her how to respond in a situation like this.

"No, not at all, I think you're wrong and stupid and I hate you very, very much… Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," he said with a sad expression on his face. Suddenly, without warning, he started crying. Emily jumped, having no idea what to do or say.

"I thought we had something special!" Haldir said between sobs. He hugged her tightly, getting her sweater wet. Jeez, you'd think he would dry up sooner or later. But no, he just kept on crying. Finally, Emily pulled herself together and realized how to react in such a situation.

"It's okay," she said, patting him on the back. She smirked, maybe this wasn't so horrible. Blackmail was, after all, a sweet, sweet friend. "I just wish I had a camera."

-

"Emily," Jean said, "would you please stop it?"

"What?" Emily asked, picking up another dirty plate from the table. She had been helping Jean clean up the dishes.

"_That_," Jean replied, taking the plate from her. "You'll get sticky and messy and un-pretty."

"This from the woman who had me washing dinner dishes from the age of eleven…"

"Well, I was silly back then." She frowned, looking at Emily.

"What?"

"Hold still." Jean started wiping Emily's cheek with her thumb, her frown slowly disappearing.

"Stop it!" Emily said, moving away. Jean hadn't done that since she was somewhere around the age of five.

"Fine, then. Go wash your face." Jean said, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "You should pay more attention to how you look."

"Have you like, walked into some freaky paradox world where you are the exact opposite of who you used to be?" Emily asked. She turned and walked into the bedroom that she'd stayed in. She looked around for some clean clothing, but only found the usual disgustingly fancy and elaborate dresses.

_They are not disgusting, they are beautiful and elegant!_

'Whatever you say…'

_That's right, whatever I say! And another thing, why are you being so mean to your mother? She's being so nice! She made breakfast for you and all of your friends!_

'I liked mo old mother, thank you very much. And none of them were my friends. I know one of them and I thoroughly dislike him.'

_You _did_, but now he's nice to you!_

'I may have disliked him when he was an arrogant asshole, but now I downright hate him.'

_There's just no pleasing you! Now, put something pretty on, your grandma wants to talk to you._

Emily grabbed a dress from the wardrobe. She picked a green one; it had the least amount of bows, frills, et cetera. She smiled and carried it into the kitchen. Putting it down on a small table, she hunted around until she found a knife.

_What do you think you're doing?_

'Oh, nothing, just making this dress look normal.'

_Stop it right there!_

'How about no?' Emily grinned and brought the knife to one of the bows. She started trying to saw it off.

_You're going to ruin it!_

'I don't care.'

_Well_ I _do!_

'It's good I don't care about you either, then, isn't it?'

_I'll get your mother!_

And true to Mary-Sue's word, Jean appeared at the door, a shocked expression on her face.

"Emily, what are you doing?"

"Nothing," Emily said. She had finished taking off a few bows and was starting on the lace.

"You're destroying it!"

"Oh, am I? Too bad."

_Emily!_

'Yes?'

_Please… stop it!_

"You're asking _me_ something?" she asked out loud. "What about the times I asked _you_ something, bitch?"

_Like what?_

"Like _get me the fuck out of here!_" She had started hacking at the dress' ornamentations now, it had become somewhat of an outlet for her anger at Mary-Sue.

"Shit!" Emily shouted. Grabbing her hand, she dropped the knife. She ripped off a piece of the dress and wrapped it around her hand.

_You're ruining it even more! And look what you did to your hand! It's supposed to be pretty and fragile, not cut up and bleeding!_

"Too fucking bad," she got out through gritted teeth.

"Emily," Jean said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong!" Emily snapped.

"Emily, you're going insane," Jean said. "You wrecked a perfectly fine dress for no reason, and you're talking to yourself."

"I am not insane."

"I think you need some alone time." Stepping away from her daughter, Jean just gave Emily a sombre look.

Before she could react, Emily was grabbed roughly by two elves, one on each arm. She was pulled out of the flet, and (after some impressive manoeuvring) down the tree. It was strange, she was kicking and screaming, but the two elves kept a firm grip on her.

_You are going insane Emily. You need a time-out._

"Put me the hell down! And send me home you fucking bitch!"

-

And voila, there was the next chapter. I'm sorry it took so long. I went on this writing spree, where I wrote like three chapters to this story, but totally forgot to actually put one up. Whoops! So, as a sorry, the next chapter will but up soon. Any questions or comments can be either (a) left in a review (b) e-mailed to me (c) found (if it's already been asked) on the FAQ section of my website, or (d) if you have a lot of questions, add me to MSN.

Thanks for reading; I love you all (in the most platonic sense of the word).

And, I shall leave you with a parting quote because I'm just that cool.

"If they were so smart, then why are they so dead?"

I don't even know if that quote is right. I scribbled it down while watching Doom. The second so (between they and dead) may or may not be a squiggle of ink that escaped the pen as I progressed from the two words.

Anyways, I will have another chapter up soon, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Three

-

Emily shouted in surprise when she was thrown into a pit. The two elves that had 'escorted' her there looked down quickly and then walked away.

_This is the time-out pit. Emily, you will see it my way in the end. And until you do, this is where you will stay._

'There is no way I'll become a bumbling, idiotic person like you.'

There was no answer. Emily waited a few minutes more, and still got no answer. She was gone—for now.

"Damn you, Mary-Sue." She sat with her back against a wall and pulled her knees up. It was after a few seconds that she heard footsteps coming towards her. She looked up to see a dwarf standing in front of her.

"I resent that," the dwarf said. "And if you even call me that again, I'll kill you."

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Emily snapped.

"My name is Mary, of absolutely no relation to the bitch whose name you mentioned a moment ago."

"I see you've also met the one and only Mary-Sue."

"Yes," the dwarf said, shaking her head. "It was a long time ago. She dragged me here to 'fall in love and live happily ever after. But, I appeared here as a dwarf. Personally, I love them, I think they're awesome. But it was apparently a problem to Mary-Sue."

"So she threw you in a hole in the ground?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

"How long have you been here?"

"A few weeks, I'd guess. They send down meals and occasionally I can get someone to talk to me. Though, I've noticed lately a sharp decrease in intelligence around here."

"That would be me," Emily said. "They're all just _so_ fascinated by me that they're walking around in a daze up there."

"What next?" Mary said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I'm Emily," said girl said, extending her hand. Mary took it and shook it. "You have any ideas how we could get out?"

"I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. They threw me down with my bag, so I had some stuff like rope." She paused before explaining further. "I was actually out on a camping trip when I got sent here."

"Rope, huh?" Emily asked.

"Yeah," Mary replied. "I've tried looping it around something up there and climbing up, but they always notice; even in the middle of the night."

Emily sighed; this was going to be a long 'time-out'.

-

"Emily, wake up!"

The girl in question snapped her head up. It was beginning to get dark outside. She looked up, to where the voice had come from. Haldir stood, looking down into the pit.

"I brought you dinner!" He dropped a bag down, and Emily grabbed it.

"Mary," she said, nudging the girl with her foot. "Wake up."

"Eww…" Haldir said. "You're talking to it?"

"Yes," Emily replied coldly. "She's a better, nicer and more interesting person than you'll ever be."

Haldir pouted, and then ran off. Emily could have sworn that she'd heard faint sobbing, too.

"That was cold," Mary said.

"Well, so was he until he became disgustingly happy and in love with me. Now, let's eat."

Emily opened up the bag, and was shocked by its contents. There were fruits, meat, cheeses and (of course) lembas bread, accompanied by even more things that Emily couldn't identify. Mary gave a low whistle.

"Well, apparently they really like _you_ around here. This is enough food for a small army."

"Too bad, let's dig in."

-

Emily and Mary sat, leaning against the dirt wall. The contents of Mary's bag had been laid out on the ground. The two were trying to find a way out, but nothing looked promising. It had either already been done by Mary, or would not work in a million years.

Frowning, Emily concentrated on the rope. There had to be a way out of here. Eventually, though, she sighed and leaned her head back. Her eyes left the rope, and then fell on their dinner leftovers. Particularly the meat stood out.

Emily stood and walked over to it, grabbing the rope.

"Emily, what are you doing?" Mary asked. "I've tried every conceivable idea that involves the rope."

Emily ignored her, and picked up a bone that had (before they'd gotten to the meal) had chicken on it. She turned around, the bone in one hand the rope in the other, and faced Mary, a grin on her face.

"Ever seen silence of the lambs?"

"Yes…"

"Well, all we need is a bucket, now." Emily laughed.

"Emily, I hate to break it to you, but I don't think anyone's going to be all that enticed by a _bone_."

"It's the principal, Mary. We just need to find something that everyone wants." She frowned, looking at the items that were spread out on the floor once more. Then she noticed Mary, who was giving her a funny look.

"What?"

"You know what, Emily. You said it yourself. Everyone's in a daze because of you. Haldir's got some false sense of love towards you."

"Mary, if I could throw myself up out of this pit, do you think I would still be here?"

"Right, right, but it would work on principle."

"Damn gravity and physics," Emily said, a small smile on her face.

"Do you have anything that someone would want?"

"No, I don't have anything that I can think of."

"Damn," Mary said.

"Damn is right."

"Why don't you just write him some corny love letter?" Mary asked sarcastically.

"Got a pen?" Emily asked, with the grin back on her face.

"You honestly think it would work?" Mary asked, handing her a pen and paper.

"Of course, they're all bumbling idiots out there." Emily leaned over the paper, pushing her hair out of her face.

"I didn't mention earlier, but, you have a very… _interesting_… shade of green hair there."

"Long story short, I did it to get Legolas to stop harassing me." She paused. "It didn't work. So now I've go puke hair until it grows out. Or until I go home and dye it to something different. But I kind of like it, it reminds me that there are some _sane_ people around here."

"Really? I don't believe that for a second."

"No, it's true. In Rivendell, or as it's being oh-so-affectionately called, 'Riverdale'. They actually exist. I think we may have even been friends, but I'm not sure."

"Not sure?"

"Lots of arguing happened."

"I see."

"So, let's get this done before it gets dark out." Emily said.

"Wait, I think that it may be better dark."

"Why?"

"It's more romantic at night. It's cliché."

"Romantic?"

"Well, we are using the fact that he thinks he's in freaking love with you to our advantage, are we not?"

"I guess you're right."

-

A few hours later, Emily and Mary were ready. The letter was tied up in the rope. Mary had looped the rope around a stone, and then thrown the stone out of the pit to land on the ground with a soft 'thud'.

"And now we wait," Emily said, sitting down.

"Uh, no," Mary said. "Now you do something to get him to get his ass out here."

"Like what?"

"Try singing."

"I do not sing."

"Uh, when I have the chance of getting out of here, you sure as hell _do_ sing."

"Fine," Emily said reluctantly.

"I promise not to make fun of you."

"What the hell do I sing?"

"I don't know, something angsty. I've noticed that everything around here seems to be filled with cruddy and annoying teen angst… Hey, know any Simple Plan?"

"Unfortunately, yes. You're going to hold this over me forever, aren't you?"

"Oh no, I plan to go home and consider this all just an insane nightmare."

"Fine," Emily said. She took a deep breath and started humming.

"Louder," Mary said, and she obliged, humming louder.

"With words," Mary added.

"No."

"Yes."

"I refuse to spread the words of their teen angst crap."

"Fucking do it, Emily."

"Fine, but I sing only because it will get us out of here."

She took another deep breath and added all of the words that she could remember to her humming. Mary stepped back, and stood on the opposite side of the pit, hidden in a shadow. After a minute or so, Haldir's head appeared over the edge of the pit. He dropped down to his knees and looked down at her.

"Emily," he said. "You song is beautiful."

"Actually it was horrible. It was a stupid song ab—" She was cut off after being hit in the back of the head by a small dirt clod. "I mean, was it not a beauteous song? I wrote it myself, about my old life before I came here… before I met you." Emily was for once thankful for the drama classes that she'd taken in high school.

"Emily," he said with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Quiet, no one must know that you are speaking to me. They would most probably be upset. There is a letter for you… follow the rope… follow your heart."

Haldir turned and walked a few steps away. Emily quickly turned around and looked at Mary. The dwarf girl had her hands closed over her mouth, trying to suppress laughter. Emily grinned and mouthed the words 'I'm good', while giving her the thumbs-up sign. She turned back around as Haldir returned.

"I have found it… a letter."

"Haldir," Emily said, trying her best to sound depressed. "I am a prisoner here. It could never be. Keep it, and remember me always." She hung her head, forcing herself to cry.

"Emily… I will…"

"I am glad," she said, wiping away her tears. She picked up the end of the rope and tied it around her wrist.

"It symbolizes trust in my old home. I trust you. Do you trust me?"

"Of course," he said. He tied the rope around his wrist.

"Then you're more of an idiot that I'd thought before." A grin quickly grew on Emily's face. Mary quickly stepped out of the shadow, and the two girls pulled as hard as they could on the rope. Haldir came tumbling down into the pit. Emily quickly got the rope off of her wrist, pulled a knife she had hidden in her boot and grabbed Haldir. She pressed the knife to his throat, and in the dazed, in-love mode he was in, he couldn't think of any way to react. Mary grabbed two pots and started banging them together as hard as she could, waking up most of the inhabitants of Caras Galadhon.

"Emily, what are you doing?" Haldir asked. "I thought that we had something special!" He started sobbing, and Emily had to hold him up so that he wouldn't fall on the ground.

"Emily!" Jean shouted, running over and sticking her head over the edge of the hole. "What do you think you're doing, young lady? I was baking you cookies, but now, _no cookies for you_!"

"I don't want a cookie," Emily said. "I _want_ the hell out of here."

"Or some lotion," Mary said. "My skin has been feeling dry and un-pretty lately… It rubs the lotion on its skin…"

Emily turned around to glare at her, but couldn't do it. The two girls broke out laughing. Emily dropped the knife, and Haldir jumped away.

"Crap," Mary said. She quickly moved around Emily and tackled Haldir. Emily cringed when they both went down. Mary, seeming unfazed, picked up the knife that Emily had dropped and pointed it towards him.

It was a minute before anyone moved. Eventually, Haldir sat up on the ground, rubbing the back of his head. Mary handed the knife back to Emily, who stood behind Haldir, and pulled him up. As she had done before, Emily pressed the knife to his throat. Sadly, his reaction was quite different this time. She wasn't sure how exactly it had happened, but in a second or two, Haldir had the knife, and she had fallen down on the ground. Mary ran at him, but he heard her and turned around. Emily swung her leg around and hit the back of his knees.

Again, he fell to the ground and the knife went flying. Mary spun around to follow it. Emily lunged forward and managed to grab Haldir's foot.

"What do you think you are doing?" Haldir demanded. With his other leg, he kicked her cleanly in the jaw. But Mary had already gotten the knife.

"You want to know what the fuck I'm doing?" Emily asked, standing. "I'm trying to get myself the hell out of here."

"Emily," came a voice from outside the pit. Emily looked up to see Galadriel (and a large crown of elves that she'd never met before) looking down at them, with an annoyed look on her face. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"If you wanted some time alone, you could have chosen a more appropriate place." Galadriel said, shaking her head and mumbling something about 'silly, young people'.

"That's it," Emily said. "I'm going to smack her. This is getting ridiculous." She grabbed onto a low tree root and tried to climb up out of the pit. It ripped, and she fell down. Not to be put out by a _tree_, she felt around until she found another root.

"Emily! Stop it!" Mary said. "You're being stupid."

Paying no attention to her, Emily pulled herself up and reached for another root. But a halt was put to her progress when someone grabbed her and roughly pulled her down.

"You are being stupid, Emily," Haldir said, dropping her on the ground. "I hate to say it, but I do not know what is going on here. But I do not think that you acting like a child is going to fix any of it."

"Oh," she said, turning around to face him. "I suppose you haven't been acting stupid, yourself, have you?"

"Trust me," he said. "Though I do not know exactly what happened, I am positive that I did not mean to do any of it."

"Good to know!"

"Oh my," Mary said dryly. "The drama—it's just too much. Emily, I seriously think that you need a visit to Dr. Phil. You're yelling for nothing."

"Mary," Emily said, turning on her friend. "I've been here for two days, and it's already been two of the worst days of my life. I have been shot and shot at. I have had to kill things, which opens up an entirely new layer of buried emotional problems that will probably drive me to do something insane in ten years. I have had to constantly try to get rid of a pair of idiots who think that they are in love with me. I have—"

"Okay stop!" Mary said. "That's enough complaining. I have been in a freaking _hole_ for the past three weeks."

Emily stared at her feet, suddenly unable to think of anything to say.

-

Okay, this is for anyone who didn't get the reference to The Silence Of The Lambs. Warning: if you haven't seen the movie and really want to and don't want to know anything, don't read this. But, it won't give away the main plot or the ending or anything.  
Basically, this psychotic serial killer is killing people and taking their skin to make clothing (think 101 Dalmatians, but with people). So, he gets people and puts them in a pit for three days and then kills them because it makes their skin nicer or something. Periodically, he will lower down a bucket on a rope with a bottle of lotion ("It rubs the lotion on its skin.") so that their skin is nice. What one woman who was in this pit did was she tied a bone (or something of that sort) to the rope with the bucket and threw it up out of the pit. The man's little dog tried to get the bone, and the woman pulled it down, trapping the dog in the bucket and pulling the dog into the pit, to be used as a bartering tool.

Mary was for Mary. You are my hero. I'm not even sure why, you just freaking are. Mary will be in one more chapter, if all goes as planned.

Anyways, thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. I _will_ be writing you all review responses soon (so if you do it anonymously and particularly want a response, leave an e-mail address). School is a butt this semester, much more homework, so writing time will be quite cut.


	5. Chapter 4

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Four

-

Emily drank the hot soup, glaring at everyone in the room. She wasn't sure where exactly to direct her anger, but had decided that everyone in the room (except for Mary) were eligible recipients. From the concentrated frown on the girl's face, Emily guessed that Mary was having a lovely conversation with the horrible little twit that had brought them here. Emily's mother was busy making cookies, along with Galadriel.

A few minutes later, the two brought over plates of cookies and glasses of milk. As Emily's eyes fell on the cookies, she jumped in surprise, cursed and quickly put down the soup. Mary did the same; Emily had told her about how the elves seemed to enjoy drugging things like cookies and other food.

Not to miss this golden opportunity presented to her, Emily knocked the soup out of Haldir's hands. She managed a short apology when it spilled all over him. He glared at her, but Emily just smiled back at him. He moved slightly, sending what was left in the bowl spraying all over her.

"Holy fuck, that's hot!" Emily shouted. She was going to lob the empty bowl at him, but her mother caught her arm and shot her a glare.

"Play nice now, kids," Mary said. "Or it's off to Dr. Phil for all of us."

"I have no doubt that after this I will be seeing a psychiatrist of some sort." Emily turned to Haldir. "Glad to see that you're your old self again," she muttered sarcastically. Haldir didn't respond.

"Well," Mary said, "she's letting me go home."

"Are you kidding me?" Emily asked. "That's great!"

_You aren't leaving, only she is._

'Damn you.'

"Well, we didn't know each other well, but I'll miss you," Emily said. "Maybe we'll see each other in a shrink's office ten years from now."

"Emily, come walk with me," Galadriel said, grabbing her arm and pulling her along with her. "Lately, it seems that you have been acting rather… ungrateful for being here."

"That's because I don't want to be here," Emily snapped. "Ever thought that maybe I don't like it here and just want to go home?"

"No," she said, ruffling Emily's hair. "You can be _so_ silly, Emily!"

"I'm glad you find my hatred for your home so amusing," Emily mumbled under her breath.

"Now," Galadriel said, her voice taking on a more serious tone. "I have decided what to do with you. I figure that your hatred for this place comes from boredom. You are young, you need something to do. Now, most people, when children get out of hand in your world, I am told send them off to a place called military school."

"Military school? That's ridiculous."

"Of course it is; there is no military school in Middle-earth."

"No shit."

"So, you get to go with everyone else to fight at Helm's Deep in stead."

Emily froze; a look of shock on her face.

"There is no way. I still have to fight not to throw up when memories of killing things in Moria come up. There is no way that I'm going to go fight some insane battle that will most probably kill me."

_You won't die, silly. You're a Mary-Sue, remember?_

"I am fucking not," she said out loud, balling her hands into fists. "At first this was like a joke. It was funny; I was in Middle-earth, running away from some weirdo who was sure that he was in love with me. It's not fun, or a joke anymore. I want to go home. I've almost died here; I have no doubt that if I hadn't been sent home I would have died. It's not fun to be forced into fighting and killing."

"Emily," Galadriel said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Do you need some more time in the time-out pit?"

"No!" Emily shouted, jumping away from her. "No, I'm fine," she said quietly. "I'm just tired. Can I go to bed?"

"Of course, dearie, you've had a long day. Plus, you will need your strength for the trip and fight. Come on, I'll take you back to where you're staying."

"Thank you," Emily said, following her. They walked slowly through Caras Galadhon, and finally came to a stop at the tree that Emily and her mother had taken up temporary residence in.

"Here you are, child, sleep well." Galadriel said, patting her on the head. "We will speak more in the morning."

Emily grabbed the ladder that was hanging from the tree and, wordlessly, started climbing. Once she'd gotten up, she quickly looked around for her mother; she wasn't there yet. She started looking around frantically, there had to be _something_ here. There had to be _something_ amidst all this junk that could help her—them—get home. Finally she came across a bookshelf, which she started taking the books off of. Theoretically, if a book brought them here, a book could send them back. But then again, thinking that a book sent you somewhere was insane.

_You know, Emily, maybe you are just insane, and that's all there is to this._

"I am not insane."

_Maybe you are, maybe you aren't… Or maybe this is just a dream._

"More like a fucking nightmare," she snapped. "Damn it," she added, finding no magic-portal books.

_Think about it, no sane person would tear a room apart trying to find a magical book._

Emily ignored her and moved to another room, where she started looking through drawers, desks, anything. After finding nothing, she moved on to another room. This continued on until most of the flet was in disorder, and Jean was standing over her daughter, yelling at her.

"Why would you do this?" Jean demanded.

_Because I'm insane…_

"Because I want to get home," Emily answered, choosing to ignore Mary-Sue's comment.

"You _are _home, this is where you belong."

"I do _not_ belong here. Nowhere in the screwed-up world have I even remotely felt like I didn't want to go home," she half-lied.

"That will change," Jean said. "You are going to Helm's Deep. Fighting for this place will give you a better sense of belonging."

"I am not going!"

"Yes, you are!"

"I'm just wondering, do you realize that you're sending your only daughter off to get herself killed by horrible creatures in a horrible, bloody and painful way?"

Jean started laughing and wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders. "You'll be fine, there's nothing to worry about."

"Nothing, except for ten thousand horrible monsters," mumbled Emily.

"Now," Jean said in an annoyed tone. "Let's talk about this mess you made in here. I'm very disappointed in you. I expect you to clean it all up before going to bed. And, if it happens again, I will not be so nice about it."

Emily didn't respond, but scowled in a rather annoyed manner when Jean patted her on the head. She picked up an armful of books and started replacing them on the shelf. One fell out of her arms as she picked it up. She grabbed it and opened it. The pages were blank. Of course they were blank. It's not like Mary-Sue would actually be intelligent enough to think up actual books to put on a bookshelf. Smiling, she put back the book.

'You really need to read more; may I suggest starting with The Lord of the Rings? From what I've seen with what you've done around here, you _really_ need to read those books.'

_Don't insult my creative licence! It's my right to do what I want to this place!_

'Sure it is.'

Emily picked up the last of the books in that room and moved on to the next room. She sighed, cursing her short moment of destructiveness.

-

"Wake up," Jean chimed, walking into the room that Emily was sleeping in and throwing open the curtains. She plopped down a tray in front of Emily's face. Emily looked at it in surprise. Enough breakfast to feed a small country was sitting on that tray.

"What's the breakfast for?" Emily asked.

"Well, you need to eat up this morning. You're going to need your strength up."

"Why? I already said that I'm not going to Helm's Deep, and I stand by that comment."

"No, it's just what you were saying about not wanting to die and thinking that you were too weak to fight."

"What the hell did you do?" Emily asked; a frightened expression on her face.

-

"I'm going to kill someone…" Emily said to herself as she picked herself up off of the ground… again.

"It is only _your_ fault if you are completely incompetent." Haldir, who was wearing a particularly smug look, oh-so-graciously pointed out.

"Shut the hell up," Emily said. She quickly found herself on her ass again. "I hate you." She picked herself up off of the ground and glared at him. While she was at it, she shot a glare at Mary, who was snickering. Apparently the thought of coming to see Emily try to learn how to fight had been too alluring, and Mary had just _had_ to come spectate.

"I hope that you know that the only reason why I am helping you is because I do not want you to get in my way."

"You aren't helping me, you're just hitting me with a stick and making me fall down on my ass." She swung at him with the wooden sword; he ducked and swung at her. Emily managed to block it, but was forced to take a few steps back. He swung at her again, hooking the sword behind her knees and pulling. Emily cursed rather colourfully as she went down again.

"I'm going to kill you, you damned Sue…" she muttered as she stood up, using the wooden practice sword for support.

"Who are you talking to?" Haldir demanded.

"It's none of your business—ouch! That hurts, damn it!" Emily yelled. She got to her feet. "I fucking hate you," was all she said before lunging at him. He blocked the swing, but Emily jumped towards him, hitting him with her shoulder, and swung the sword again, almost hitting him in the side. He blocked it, and with a shove at her sword, Emily found herself back on the ground. Haldir stood over her, a bored expression on his face.

"Good job, Emily! You lasted nearly half a minute that time!" Mary shouted.

"Better," he said.

"Thank you," Emily said before grabbing one of his feet and twisting. He nearly fell over, giving her time enough to stand shakily. He turned and swung at her, she ducked under the swing, but he easily brought the hilt of the sword down on her back, and she fell onto the ground again.

"I think I need a nap, now," Emily said to herself.

"Get up," Haldir said. "You look pathetic."

"Fuck off," Emily said. "This is like the thirtieth time today that I've fallen on the ground, I think this is enough."

"Just because I am doing this does _not_ mean that I want to. Trust me; there are many things I would prefer to be doing than helping you."

"_Helping_ me? You're beating the shit out of me, laughing at me when I fall and then beating the shit out of me again when I get up. And don't deny that you're laughing, I know you are on the inside."

"Get up."

Emily rolled her eyes and reached out a hand. Haldir just stood there, glaring down at her.

"I'm meeting you half way, now help me up," Emily said.

"How do you expect to do anything if you can't even stand on your own?" Haldir asked, grabbing her hand.

"Like this," Emily said, pulling as hard as she could. Sadly, he plan backfired, Haldir realized what she was attempting, and pulled hard on her arm. He got her standing, then with another shove, back on the ground.

"I hate you so much right now," Emily said, spitting dirt and grass out of her mouth.

'And you, too, for that matter.'

_Why would you hate me? What have I done?_

'You sent me _here_, for starters. You turned my mother into an insane freak. You turned most of the people who live here into insane freaks. You're having them send me off to war, and most probably to kill myself. Should I continue?'

_No, I never realized it was so horrible for you. Well, I guess you'll have to hurry up on the whole falling in love with Legolas matter if you want to get out of here soon._

'I hate you.'

_I know._

"Emily! Get up!"

"What?" Emily snapped out of the conversation she was having. Haldir was glaring at her (as usual).

"Come on Emily," Mary said. "Get up and just ignore her."

"Are you even paying attention to me?" He asked.

"No, not really," Emily answered with a shrug. She then got to her feet, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "Damned grass and dirt, who the hell's great idea was that, anyways?"

"Am I supposed to answer that?"

"No," she said, swinging at him.

"Good," he said, moving out of the way easily. "Keep your feet further apart."

"Wow, I think that's the first even remotely helpful thing you've said all day."

"Stop leaning so far forward, and stand up straight."

"What are you supposed to be, my old music teacher?"

"No… keep your knees bent just slightly."

"Fine," Emily said, swinging at him again.

"Never fully straighten your arms, they become too easy to break that way."

"Fine," Emily repeated, swinging once more. "Ouch! Holy shit!" Emily shouted when he'd 'accidentally' hit her fingers. Emily frowned and charged forward, swinging madly. She actually managed to hit his side, but nowhere near hard enough to hurt.

"Getting angry will get you nowhere."

"Why the hell not, it seemed to work fine."

"Cookies?"

Emily cursed loudly as she spun around to come face-to-face with Galadriel. As she turned around, she lost her balance and fell on the ground.

"Will I ever stop failing?" Emily asked herself, while glaring up at Galadriel.

"Have some cookies," she said, handing her a brown paper bag. Emily handed it back.

"No thanks, I don't do well with drugged food."

"Just _try_ one."

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

_Don't you want to make your old grandma happy?_

'Not if it means eating drugged food.'

_Fine, be that way._

'I plan to.'

"Get up, Emily," Haldir said. Emily looked up. Apparently Galadriel had gotten the message that no one wanted cookies, she had left. "Am I the first to have told you how incompetent you are?"

"Nope," Emily replied, standing. "A little while ago, I almost shot someone after missing a target by about twelve feet. It's just that I was told that I was incompetent by someone who didn't hate me."

"I'd be very, very afraid of you with any weapon," Mary said.

"I would be, too," Emily said. "I swear, I'm going to impale myself on something one day by accident."

"So, you can not use a sword or a bow?" Haldir asked.

"Nope," Emily replied.

"How are you still alive?"

"Through the magic of Mary-Sue, what else?"

"Do I even want to know?"

"No," both girls answered.

"Let's go eat," Emily said. "I'm so freaking hungry."

-

I will start off by saying that I didn't like this chapter. But often I'm critical of my own work, so I'll see what I think of it once it's up on the site. I lied last chapter; Mary will be back in the next chapter. What started as a small cameo has now turned into a multi-chapter guest-starring. This story will be longer than the eight chapters that I had intended. My guess would be at least ten. And that would bring me to my last point of business. I want to apologize about last chapter's comments about Simple Plan. I _personally_ do not like them, but I did not intend to insult anyone who does. I have not yet received any e-mails, reviews, messages, etc… from people who were upset with my comments, but that doesn't mean that they aren't out there. Please don't take what I wrote personally, it is nothing except one person's opinion.


	6. Chapter 5

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Five

-

As she had guessed, Emily was as sore as hell as she dragged herself to bed. Too tired to do anything, she just flopped down onto the bed and closed her eyes, mumbling 'and it'll only hurt worse in the morning' to herself.

Her ignoring of the living world was rudely interrupted by a hand shaking her shoulder. She grabbed a pillow and used it to cover her head. Letting out a groan when the shaking continued, she pulled the pillow off of her head and snapped up.

"What?" she demanded.

"Something came for you!" Jean said, smiling. She shoved a package into her daughter's hands.

"What the hell is this? And where the hell did anyone get a hold of a cardboard box?" Emily asked herself. She gasped and froze when she tried to sit up. "Okay, that hurt really, really bad."

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Well, I got my ass kicked numerous times yesterday, you can ask Mary how many, I think that she counted, and I am in a hell of a lot of pain."

"That's too bad. Now, get up and open this package or you'll miss your boat."

"Boat?" asked Emily. "I don't do too well on boats." Frightening memories of seasickness, falling in water and throwing up came rushing back

"You'll be fine," Jean said with a broad smile, patting her on the head. "Now get out of bed and get yourself dressed." Jean left the room, leaving the box and a tray with breakfast.

"Okay, this is going to hurt," Emily said as she got to her feet. And it did. She walked slowly over to the table that the breakfast was sitting on, trying to ignore the pain that she felt nearly from head to toe. Pushing her hair out of her face, she reached down for the toast. Her hand froze halfway there, and she slowly looked up at a mirror.

If anyone within a mile-wide radius was not awake, they certainly were now.

_What have you found to scream about so early in the morning?_

"Why don't _you_ tell _me_?" Emily gaped as she started at the mirror. Her hair was now its old dark brown, and fell down well past her waist.

_It's not the same brown! It shimmers with all the colours of the rainbow when the light hits it!_

"Really now?" Emily looked at it for a second longer, shrugged, and then walked towards the kitchen to grab a knife.

_Do _not_ touch that hair!_

'And why not?'

_If you do, I will bring Legolas here—right now!_

'I hate you.'

Emily looked around until she found a drawer full of hair stuff (oh yes, hair stuff—there were also makeup and accessories drawers). She grabbed an elastic and tied her hair back. If it was going to be there, it was going to stay the hell out of the way.

_Emily, appreciate your hair, it is beautiful._

Emily chose not to respond out of a fear that Legolas would magically appear.

"I hate you _so_ damn much," Emily said when she caught sight of her ears in the mirror. "There was no way that I could stay my original species, was there?"

_In short, no, no there wasn't._

"I hate you."

_We've already established that._

"I'm just going to leave this alone," Emily said, throwing the breakfast tray out of a conveniently placed window. An annoyed 'ouch!' came from the ground below. Emily laughed as she walked out of the room. Sadly, the pain created by moving stopped her laughing.

-

"I hate you," Emily said as Mary walked by.

"Why?" asked Mary, faking innocence.

"You know why," Emily answered, glaring, "lucky Mary and her getting to go home."

"You're just jealous," Mary declared, laughing.

"Well… yes, yes I am." Emily stuck her tongue out at her. She frowned when her stomach started making rumbling noises.

"So tell me again who we can't eat the food here, because I'm getting pretty hungry," Mary said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, they do stuff to the food. It can have horrible consequences. For example, yesterday, before realizing it, I had half a bowl of soup. Now look at me." She lifted up part of her ridiculously long hair to reveal the disfigurement of her ear.

"Weird…"

"And take for example, the grand hoser of them all."

"Haldir?" Mary asked.

"Who else," Emily replied. "He ate a cookie from Galadriel, and then he was an annoying idiot."

"Wait, wasn't he always?"

"Well, yes, but he got worse. He went from annoying and all 'I'm-so-great', to annoying and all 'I-love-you'; it was not pleasant."

"I can imagine not."

"So, that still leaves us with the dilemma of finding food."

"Actually… you're left with that dilemma. I'm going home in about ten minutes."

"I hate you ever so much."

"You're such a supportive friend."

"I've got it!" Emily shouted. "Ask them to send you back to a grocery store. I'm sure that they'll use some sort of flashy portal thing. Throw me some food through it."

"That just may work…" Mary said quietly.

-

Emily waved goodbye as Mary stepped through the sparkly pink rip in the fabric of space and time. Well, at least she did the best that she could while being restrained by two rather angry elves. Apparently they didn't take well to people trying to run through portals that lead to their home. Once Mary was fully through the portal, they let her go, and just in time to catch a package of hotdogs, and then one of hot dog buns.

"Ketchup and mustard," she shouted, "and cheese! What are hotdogs without cheese?"

The said condiments flew through the portal, and Emily struggled to catch them all.

"Bye, I'll miss you!" Emily shouted. "See you on Dr. Phil!"

Once the sparkling, pink portal closed up, Emily carried the hotdogs and hotdog paraphernalia over to her lovely tree house. Climbing up was somewhat of a challenge, but after a few attempts, and many dropped objects, she pulled it off.

"Emily, what are you doing?" asked Jean. She was standing at the stove (oh yes, there was a stove), cooking something in a large pot.

"I'm making myself some hotdogs." Emily answered, holding up the package. She took a pot out of the cupboard.

"You will do no such thing!" Jean shouted, snatching the pot back from her. "Hotdogs are bad and unhealthy for you. The contain fat, preservatives and unknown animal parts. No child of mine will eat a hotdog."

"Okay, then," Emily grabbed the pot back and threw the hotdogs, buns and condiments into it. She frowned and climbed out of the tree, which was much easier than trying to climb up. Once she reached the ground, she set off on trying to find a way to cook the hotdogs.

"Life was so much easier with lighters," Emily muttered, rubbing to sticks together. "This really isn't going to work." She grabbed two rocks and started striking them together, but it was to no avail.

"What are you doing?" asked one of Emily's lest favourite elves.

"It's none of your business," she snapped.

"Whatever it is, you are failing miserably."

Emily didn't even decide to on comment that one. After flipping him off, she returned to working on her miserable attempts at a fire.

"I'm trying to cook hotdogs," she said after a few minutes of silence and failed attempts.

"A… what?" he asked.

"A hotdog," she said. "It's a tube of mystery meat. But my mother won't let me use the stove, so I need to cook them over a fire. I mean, I've done it at camp before, but we had matches then, and newspaper to catch. We also had sticks. I'm going to need a stick to cook these on."

"Do not start to think that this means that I do not dislike you, but do you need help?"

"No… yes… fine."

"Go find some dead leaves, and that stick that you were talking about."

"There's no way that you'll be able to do it, it's freaking impossible." Emily muttered as she walked off.

Within fifteen minutes a large fire was burning happily. Emily was just standing there quietly, glaring at the back of Haldir's head. She didn't need to see his face to know that he had one of those annoying 'I'm-better-than-you-and-I-know-it' looks. She sat down on the ground and picked up the package of hotdogs.

"Do you have a knife?"

"Yes, but I would never let you near it for fear that you would kill yourself and everyone around you."

"I hate you," she said, tossing him the hotdog package. "Open that." He gave her an annoyed look. "Please," she added, grinning.

"I do not know how you do it, but you manage to make me feel ill on nearly a daily basis."

"That's not me," she said, turning the package of hotdogs over in his hands. "You had the side with the ingredients list facing up."

"No, I think that it is you," he said, handing her back the package.

"Fine then, you don't get any. You can go try and get normal food from somewhere else. But, I should mention something to you. When you ate a cookie, you fell in love with me… the one who makes you sick."

"Is that your ides of a joke?"

"Would I joke about something like that?"

"That is possibly more disgusting than these mystery meat tubes."

"Oh, don't be fooled. They're gross on principle, but actually very tasty." She took a hotdog from the package and put it onto a stick. "Have one," she said, passing him the package. Frowning, he took one of the hotdogs from the package, impaled it on a stick and joined Emily in cooking.

"To have marshmallows," Emily muttered to herself.

"What?"

"Little pieces of sugary bliss," Emily said.

"Wherever you come from must be a very, very strange place."

"Believe me, it is, and you haven't even heard half of the stories about it."

Thirty minutes, four odd stories and three hotdogs apiece later, both were feeling considerably ill (well, Emily mush more so than Haldir). Emily was lying on her back, hands around her stomach, trying to suppress waves of nausea. She groped around until she felt the package, which she picked up. Lovely; the expiration date was sometime around last month. She groaned and threw the plastic into the fire. It made a crackling noise, dark black smoke rose from the fire and the plastic eventually melted into nothing.

Haldir did not seem as sick as she was, but definitely had a greenish tinge.

"I thought elves ever didn't get sick," Emily said.

"Well, elves have never eaten those… things."

"If I ever see Mary again, I swear I'm going to beat her," Emily said, forcing herself to sit up. When she did, she caught sight of the leftover cheese. It was sitting too close to the fire, and getting melted. Frowning, she turned away and proceeded to empty her stomach. If anything, it did make her feel better.

"Humans are disgusting creatures," Haldir said.

"Thank you," Emily said smiling. "So, I hope you know that I expect a story now. I told you about Rome, busses, emo kids and batman."

"You want a story? One there was a girl named Emily who never knew when to be quiet."

"Fine, fine, I'm going to bed."

"Be sure to sleep in late enough so that you do not need to come with us."

"I plan to."

-

Another chapter up really late. Another attempt from the author at apologizing. I will try my best to have the next chapter up in a few days to make up for it. A lot has been going on lately, and it's kind of given me that 'unable to think about anything except it' mindset.

I have decided to end off all of these chapters with recommendations.

Listen to it: Weird Al Yankovic. The guy is as funny as heck!

Watch it: American Dreamz. Imagine a movie that answers the question: how do you parody Bush, pop culture and terrorists all in one?

Learn it: Did you know that the band Franz Ferdinand in named after the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of the Austro-Hungarian Empire? Some people may not think it's the most interesting fact about him, but he had a son named Maximilian. (Many argue that his assassination putting the First World War into motion would be the most interesting fact.)

On a parting note, I appologise about any spelling errors. In order to meet me deadline of having this chapter up today,I only re-read it once. I will be re-redaing it tomorrow and then editing it.


	7. Chapter 6

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Six

-

It was a nice enough day. A soft breeze drifted through, and the sun shone brightly. Of course, the day was entirely ruined due to the unwelcome presence of water, and lots of it. As long as she could remember, Emily had gotten seasick on boats. She had also gotten sick on a rafting trip. She had gotten sick going water tubing, for god's sake. It was safe to say that she did not do well with water.

"Would you mind _not_ doing that?" Haldir snapped when she made a quiet noise, trying not to gag.

"As a matter of fact I _would_ mind," Emily replied.

"Just make sure that you empty your stomach over the side of the boat."

"I'll try my best," Emily said, rolling her eyes, leaning back in the boat, and asking herself why she had to have been put in the same boat as him.

Earlier that day (very early; earlier than the sunrise), Emily had been oh-so-rudely awoken by Mary-Sue chattering on in her head, a scary thought, but _very_ annoying, especially at ungodly hours of the morning. The twit had gone on to order her to open the box, which contained all of the lovely things that she would be wearing while she died at Helm's Deep. Trying to put them on properly was the most fun part, of course. Her mother had scolded her about fighting. Her 'grandmother' had tried to force feed her cookies. And complete strangers had just looked at her like she was insane.

She was not proud of what she'd had to do.

At first he had looked at her like she was insane. And then he'd told her that he refused to help her in any way, shape or form. And then, after Emily had threatened to annoy him until the day that she died, Haldir had agreed to help her.

Emily had kept that fact in mind all day. And there was another thought up there, too. It was a weird thought, one that she felt was just plain wrong to think, but it was worth throwing out there.

"I think that we should call a truce," she said. She tried her best to make sure that the expression on her face was not a glare, but something at least semi-pleasant when Haldir turned around.

"Did I hear you correctly? Are you not the one who went out of her way to make it known that she hates me?" The look that he had was the closest thing to shocked surprise that she'd ever seen on his face. When she replied simply by shrugging, he frowned. "Well, are you serious or not?"

"Of course I am, I know that you can't take a joke," answered Emily. "But honestly, obviously Mary-Sue doesn't like you. If she did you would have had your personality screwed up by now. Sure, she's _attempted_, but she's writing this twisted story. If she wanted you to be weird and brainwashed badly enough, you would be."

"What does it matter weather or not some girl I have never met likes me?"

"Everything," was the simple answer that he got. Emily sighed before elaborating. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"That is not a very good policy to follow," Haldir pointed out. "They are someone's enemy for a reason. And just because I dislike her, what makes you think that she is my enemy?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit short on allies right now, and any that I can get would be a help. And you would hate her because she brainwashed half of the population of your home, and attempted to do so to you."

"Fine," he said shortly. "It appears that, though I disagree entirely with the concept of us becoming allies, it is the best option that we have of bringing down this girl."

"Here, here," Emily added, grinning. "Now drive the boat before I get sick again."

-

When they were finally finished with the boats and were to start walking, Emily could have kissed the ground. As a matter of fact, she did (well, not so much kissing it as just lying there, refusing to get up)-- until her mother hauled her up to her feet, that is.

"Emily! What do you think that you were doing, touching the yucky, dirty floor? You could have gotten sick or dirty, or _both_!" Jean rolled her eyes and threw her arms up into the air. "How am I supposed to raise you properly?"

"Mom, I'm nineteen now, and I don't live at home. I think you're mostly done with the raising part." Emily pointed out.

"Go eat lunch and then sit and think about what you've done," Jean said, frowning at her. Emily rolled her eyes and went to go and sit under a tree. While she was stuck here and supposed to be an elf, she may as well do the whole get in touch with nature thing.

Almost as soon as she sat down, a bird flew up and landed on her shoulder. Frowning, she shooed it away. Getting in touch with nature _did not_ include being used as a bird perch.

Had she had the idea to scream, she would have as the flock of birds flew down to perch on her. Instead, she stood and started running around like an idiot, trying to shake them off. Nearly tripping on a tree root, she managed to save herself from falling and continued running until her forearm was grabbed roughly.

"What are you doing?" Haldir asked.

"Getting the birds off of me," answered Emily. "Well, they're gone now, but they _were_ here a minute ago. I swear there were like twenty sitting on me… damn nature."

"Well, the next time that you decide to run around, trying to get away from the big scary birds, watch out for the river."

"Yeah," Emily said, looking behind her to the short drop into the water. "I'll do that."

If she had known that they would be walking later, Emily would not have complained on the boats. Sure, she got seasick, but walking for hours on end was a pain—quite literally, actually. By the time that they stopped for a break, Emily felt like her feet were going to fall off. Exhausted, she ignored the fact that dirt and ground made a horrible pillow, and fell asleep.

-

"Emily," Jean chimed, shaking her daughter's shoulder. "It's time to wake up. I made you breakfast!"

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked, cracking open an eyelid. She glared up at her mother, who was holding a hot plate of pancakes. "Where did you get the pancakes from?"

Jean shrugged, "around."

"I'm going to have to pass on the pancakes," Emily said. She got up, stretching out her sore muscles; sleeping on the ground was not a comfortable experience.

_Get up; you have a long day ahead of you._

'Fuck off, you psychotic freak.'

_That's not nice. What do I have to do to win you over?_

'Let me leave. I can not begin to describe how happy that would make me.'

_Too bad, now eat your pancakes._

'I'm, not hungry.'

"We need to leave. Your laziness is only slowing us down." Haldir said, putting an end to Emily's childish debate with Mary-Sue.

"Are you ever happy?" Emily asked, glaring right back.

"Not when you are around."

The next few hours consisted of nothing but walking and awkward silence. Every so often, Emily would find a small rock in her path and start kicking it along. Though, it would generally hit someone in the back of the ankle and she would have to stop. These guys were scary when they weren't happy. And you can't be starting off in such a good mood when you're marching off to your death.

Emily sighed and started counting trees. Though she didn't notice it, the number was steadily decreasing as they continued. Eventually they disappeared altogether and the surroundings opened up into plains that stretched out for what seemed like forever.

_This is taking too long_.

Emily blinked and was hit with a sensation like someone had shoved her backwards, then they hit her head… real hard. She cursed rather loudly and sunk to the ground, holding her head.

When she pried one eye open, she needed a moment to adjust. She had been expecting the sunny outdoors, but was instead surrounded by cold, dark stone walls. And in front of her sat one person she had hoped to never see again.

"Emily!" Legolas' eyes lit up and he threw his arms around her in a hug.

"Holy fucking shit…" Emily tried to pull herself out of his grip, but he wouldn't let her go. Amid his declarations of love, and proclaiming that he missed her, Emily was trying to tell him to get off of her. That wasn't working, so she took a more direct approach.

"Ouch!" he yelped. "Did you just bite me? Why would you do that? We're supposed to love each other!"

Emily made an angry sound, something like a sigh and stalked out of the room. Had she been thinking, she would have realized that that wasn't such a bright idea, seeing as she had no clue where she was going. Eventually she found a bench and sat herself down there. She kicked her shoes against the ground, looking around at the walls.

-

Well, more than a year later, and here it is. For your reading enjoyment. If anyone is still reading this, I love you. Thanks.


	8. Chapter 7

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Seven

-

They were staring at her, probably wondering what the hell she was doing there. Even Emily had to admit that they had every reason to wonder. She must have looked pretty pitiful. Her hair was matted by the rain and she was shivering under her blue cloak. To top it all off, there were a hundred thousand monsters waiting to kill her.

She wasn't sure if she was crying or if it was just the rain in her eyes.

_You won't die, trust me._

'How the hell can I trust you?'

_I'm not _asking_ for you to trust me._

Emily swallowed and wiped her face off with a relatively dry spot of her cloak. One of the elves standing beside her took off his cloak and gave it to her. She nodded a quick and silent 'thank you.'

"I doubt you will need it much longer," he said quietly, staring down at the Uruk-hais. Turned out he was right, they charged only a few tense seconds later.

Emily didn't understand what any of them were saying, but the elves seemed to be following someone's directions. Feeling a bit left in the dark, she just copied what they were doing, firing arrows into the unending mass that filled the valley below them.

As soon as she felt like she was beginning to feel just a little bit comfortable with the entire scene, the elf to her right- the elf who had given her his cloak- fell backwards with a shout. She dropped to her knees, and her eyes quickly fell on the quarrel in his chest.

"Oh my God," she said, starting to panic. "Holy shit… Somebody help him!" Emily shouted, trying to get attention, but no one seemed phased.

"Leave him," another elf said, quickly pulling her to her feet. He turned away from her, and notched another arrow, but Emily grabbed his shoulder.

"He's going to die!"

"Leave him; there is nothing we can do." He looked her in the eye. "Many more will die tonight," he added under his breath. Emily tried to pretend that she hadn't heard that. After handing her the bow that she had dropped, he returned to firing his own.

Her hands shaking, Emily notched an arrow and pulled it back. Her hands refused to stop shaking, so she closed her eyes and lit the arrow loose. This continued on for a few minutes. They were so far away that it didn't feel like killing anything. More quarrels flew, and more around her fell. Emily figured it was Mary-Sue that was keeping them away from her.

Then the ladders came. Emily dropped the bow on the ground. As she tried to pull her sword, she tripped over something behind her and fell backwards. The impact on the cold, wet stone was enough to knock the air from her lungs. All of her common sense said not to look, but since when had she listened to common sense.

It was a body. She had tripped over someone's dead body. Panicking, she fought not only to breathe, but to get her sword as an Uruk-hai approached her. When it was only a few feet away, a blade was shoved through its gut.

That was enough, she screamed, finally getting her breath back. She sat there, hyperventilating, until Haldir pulled his sword from the creature and helped her to stand. The blood was jet black, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Listen to me," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "These creatures were made by and of evil. You _can not_ let your conscience get in your way. Either they survive or you survive, take your choice."

When he let her go, Emily wasn't all that re-assured, but quickly came to the same conclusion as Haldir: it was her or them. The sword felt light in her hand. It glided smoothly through flesh and- with enough momentum- bone. She let the two cloaks she was wearing fall off of her back.

The fighting was almost trance-like, as if someone else was in her body, and she was just around to watch. She had no doubt that there was someone there, Mary-Sue, making sure that she stayed alive… helping her, even, as much as she hated to admit it. Emily was almost thankful, but then she remembered who had brought her here in the first place.

It felt like an earthquake. Emily was quickly jarred back into alertness as the stone erupted. For a brief moment, stone fell from the sky along with the rain. Emily's thoughts flashed to her mother. Hopefully wherever she was she was okay. She felt like an ass for dragging her into this.

_She's fine, at home._

Emily hesitated before responding with a curt 'thank you' to Mary-Sue. And then she went back to work.

-

Someone was yelling at her… it was Aragorn. She didn't understand what he was saying, though.

"What does he want?" she shouted to the closest elf left alive.

"Get inside," he said, "to the keep."

"Shit," she said, taking off at a run. "I owe him, I owe him. I _could_ be safe inside, but I owe him." Emily repeated this to herself, trying to justify possibly one of the stupidest things she had done to date.

When Haldir graded his bleeding hand, she shoved him to the side and cleanly took the head off of the Uruk-hai behind him. She grabbed his good hand and started running.

"Hurry up before I decide that this was a bad idea."

_What the hell do you think you're doing?_

'I don't like owing people!'

_He was supposed to die, and Legolas was supposed to comfort you over the loss of your friend! I had it all planned out perfectly. He was supposed to die!_

"Read a book, bitch!" Emily yelled out loud.

"Are you well?" Haldir asked from beside her.

-

It wasn't until she'd sat down on the floor and calmed down that Emily realized that breathing was becoming harder and harder. Legolas quickly made his way over to her, while everyone else who was able-bodied actually did some work.

"Emily, you are alive," he said, hugging her. "I was afraid that you had died." The hug felt way too tight, and Emily fought even harder for breath. Almost dropping her, Legolas jumped away. He frowned.

"What… happened… to you?" Emily asked. As always, he looked spotless and perfect, except for his two black eyes.

"Well, I was doing some sick moves on those stairs with a shield that I decided would make a good skateboard and I was so cool, but someone had dropped a cloak on the stairs and I hit it and fell and hit my eye."

"Ouch…"

"I'm not done. So I decided to take it like a man and-"

"You're an elf," Emily interrupted.

"Well, I decided to take it like a male elf, then. So I got back on my board. Then at the bottom of the stairs was another cloak. I tripped and hit my other eye."

"Wow," Emily said, almost feeling bad. "Who could have left those there?"

"I don't know," Legolas said. It looked like it was hurting his head to try and think. "I think it was the enemy, trying to sabotage me."

"Yeah," Emily muttered. "That's what it must have been."

"Look! Horses! I just love nature, don't you?" Legolas jumped up and ran to a bunch of horses that were just standing there. They looked like they wanted some grass or carrots or something.

"Now we get to be the heroes," Aragorn said, running over to a horse. "Ha ha, fucking Éomer thinks he can barge in and be the hero. Well, he's wrong- I'm the hero!"

"I think he may well be insane," said Haldir, who was sporting a heavily bandaged hand.

"I agree," Emily said, taking one of the horses by the reins. "I suspect that you all expect me to ride a horse as well? Does anyone remember what happened last time?" Horrible memories of Asfaloth, the horse that hated her with a passion, began to surface. She shuddered visibly.

"I am most certainly _not_ insane!" Aragorn yelled. "Someone told me that if I was a hero, you would love me!"

"They lied."

"I was also told that you are the finest horseman- er, horse_woman_ in the whole world! That is most certainly not a lie, for I have seen your skills."

"This is the same girl who could not sit in a boat!" Haldir said, pointing at Emily.

"Don't pick on her just because you're ugly!" Legolas yelled.

Emily laughed at this. She appreciated that Haldir was trying to help her and keep her off of a horse, but it _was_ funny. Laughing quickly got harder, and Emily soon found herself coughing. She was fighting for breath while everyone else was fighting each other while some thousand Uruk-hais tried to get inside to kill them all. This day was just going great.

-

So, not so great a chapter. It really wasn't that funny until the end where I tried to throw in a bit of humour. Hopefully it worked. I remember a long time ago (long time) I promised someone that Emily would push Legolas off the stairs. I was writing this and it seemed wrong to push someone who was on your side when you thought you were about to die. I hope that this was good enough.


	9. Finale

**The Madness Continues**

Chapter Eight

-

"I don't _want_ to be healed, especially by you!" Emily shouted. "I'm just tired, anyways."

"You need help," Legolas said. "Please, I'm pretty much begging you to let me help you." He pouted and looked her in the eye. After a few minutes of contorted facial expressions, he finally gave up.

"Obviously you're too dumb to know, but sissies can't heal people," Aragorn said, kicking Legolas. He crossed his arms and sneered at the elf.

"Yeah," Legolas said, searching for a comeback. "Well, that's… exactly why _you_ can't heal people. _Ohh…_" he snapped his fingers. "That was some disrespect."

Aragorn kicked him again.

"Oww…" Legolas frowned. "You're being mean to me. I think I need a hug."

"Forget it," Emily said.

"Can we _please_ go save the day now?" Aragorn asked. "I need to be the hero!"

"I'm a better hero!" Legolas protested.

"Both of you shut the hell up!" Emily yelled. "Ouch! What the hell?" While she had been sitting on the floor, one of the horses had walked over to her and began pulling her hair. "Is there some horse code that says that you all need to pick on me?"

The horse paused, snorted and then continued pulling her hair. When she stood up, the animal laid off. Emily smiled weakly and patted it. Apparently it didn't like being patted, seeing as it walked away from her.

"I think he likes you," Legolas said, wearing a goofy grin across his face. He walked over to the other horses and selected one. It was the same colour as his hair. "Look, we match! Of course, you are always welcome to ride with me…"

"I'm good," Emily said. She frowned and grabbed the reins of the defiant animal. With considerable effort, she managed to get on the horse. She frowned, remembering how much pain she had been in last time she'd ridden a horse. "You're not a demon-horse, right?" she asked the animal.

The horse didn't make any noises; it just looked back at her and tossed its head. Emily prayed that that gesture had meant 'no.' After taking a few deep breaths, she managed to convince herself that she would be safe.

"Okay, let's all hurry the hell up," Aragorn said. "I'm a hero, you know!" He grabbed his sword, kicked his horse into a run and everyone followed after him. Emily wasn't too keen on the idea of only being able to hold the reins with one hand, but she tried her best anyways, and it worked out okay for a little while.

She tried her best to hang back and make it look like she was contributing. In actuality she wanted to stay out of everything. Apparently her horse had its own plans; he darted forward. Perhaps it was sick of hanging back. Emily screamed and held on for dear life, all the while flailing at the Uruk-hais below.

When Gandalf showed up with Éomer and the rest of the riders, Emily had to make a decision between being anger and laughing. Gandalf was dressed something like an old man that one would find playing shuffleboard in a retirement home. He wore an argyle sweater-vest over his white robes and his feet were adorned with the lovely socks and sandals combo. She though she caught a glimpse of a hearing aid as well. Eventually laughter won out and Emily found herself giggling at his odd new look.

Unfortunately, he had presented enough of a distraction that she was caught off-guard when one of the Uruk-hai walked right up to her horse and slashed at its front. The horse reared back on its hind legs and Emily fell backwards. She hit the ground with a thud.

-

When she finally came to, Emily was staring up at a blank ceiling. There was a dull aching in her head. She lifted a hand and smiled when she saw the plastic clip on her index finger.

Under normal circumstances, the vast majority of people would _not_ be happy to wake up in a hospital recovery room. This was certainly not a normal circumstance, and Emily was not most people. She grinned and looked around the room. There was another woman in a bed a few feet away; the curtain between them was only partially drawn, and Emily could see that she was still sleeping.

"She's awake!" Emily heard her mother yell. She turned around and grinned, happy that they had both made it out okay. "We'll talk later," Jean whispered to her daughter before her father rushed into the room.

"What happened? How did I get here?" Emily held her head; the ache was starting to get worse. "I don't remember a thing," she bullshitted.

"We don't know," her father said. "Whoever is doing this to you is too good; the police don't have any leads. They're going to want to talk to you once you're comfortable talking to them."

"Okay," Emily said, nodding weakly. Alright, now her head felt like shit. "Do you think one of you guys could get someone to give me some drugs or something?"

"Is it your head that's hurting you?" Emily looked up and saw a nurse coming into the room.

"Yeah, my head," Emily replied.

"This ought to help." She gave Emily some painkillers through the IV line in her hand.

"Thanks," Emily said.

-

Later that day she was discharged from the hospital. Her parents helped her to the car and helped her to sit down in the backseat. The drive home was silent; there was really no way to start the conversation.

When they got home, Emily went upstairs, telling her parents that she was tired. She lay awake in bed for a few hours, thinking about all that had happened. Was it good or bad that she had done so much killing earlier? On one hand she had done it only to save herself, but on the other hand, she had still done it.

She was jolted from the debate with her conscience when she heard someone knocking on her door. Without waiting for an answer, in walked Jean, who sat down on the corner of her bed.

"How are you feeling?" Jean asked.

"Good, I guess… I'm alive." Emily tried her best to smile. "Did you get home okay?"

"I did," Jean said. "Except I got back the moment we left, you, on the other hand, have been gone six days."

They were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Jean frowned and stood. "I'll be right back," she said as she left to see who would be visiting.

Emily sighed and let her head fall back on her pillow. She was actually very close to sleep when she heard footsteps pounding on the stairs.

"You," a voice from her doorway called. Emily looked up and saw the absolute last person she wanted to see at the moment; her beloved little cousin. "You stole my story!"

-

The End… for now.

This chapter is so short! I didn't really plan this all out well when I wrote the last chapter. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed.

I know, terrible ending. Now you all need to read the next one hahaha. Oh, and I've finally decided on a name. I think. Well, you'll all see when it's out (soon, I swear!).


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